Artemis Fowl 3: This Girl Can't Come Up with Title
by TeenTypist
Summary: Foaly suspects that the LEP is being bugged again, and Artemis gets to spend a little time getting to know the area around Haven. My third AF fic. No EC or OD spoilers. Complete.
1. Foaly Bugs Out

CHAPTER 1: Mulch's New Surroundings  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story starts more or less right on the heels of where the last one left off. So I'm reposting this chapter with a few minor changes/additions.  
  
Mulch was in his cell, pacing. His home for the next twenty years. Strike that, 19 and half years. For a fairy it wasn't that great a deal of time of course. Fairies lived for hundreds of years after all. But still, prison was not fun. Currently he had no roommate but sooner or later they'd book a few goblins for company for him. Goblins and dwarves: sworn enemies. And besides that, the cell walls weren't really very entertaining to look at. 6 months and it was already long memorized. He could see it with his eyes shut.  
He reached into a pocket. He was thankful the LEP hadn't found this when they booked him. It was Fowl's watch. He didn't know why, but he wanted to keep it. Someday, he'd trade it back to Fowl at a high price.  
Then again, in twenty years, would Fowl even remember it?  
Would Fowl even remember him in twenty years? Fowl wasn't the kind to forget people, or anything really, but one of these days the Council would find some excuse to mindwipe him. He knew entirely too much.  
No matter. If the mud boy did remember, Mulch would always have a friend and business partner among the Mud Men.  
He stopped pacing and lay down on a small cot in the corner of the room. Nearly 300 years combined in and out of prison cells had taught him how to make time pass quickly. He began to count bricks in the ceiling. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7 . . .  
He lifted his head as he heard footsteps and someone stopped outside his cell. "Hello, Julius, Holly." This was odd. Holly had visited he a couple of times over the past six months but this was the first he'd seen of Root. Holly's visits had been nice in breaking the monotony but this was going to be good. Very interesting.  
"Watch your mouth, convict!" growled Root.  
Mulch rolled over on his stomach lazily. "Why should I? You and I are good friends right, Julius?" Root had arrested him more than a dozen times.  
"Say it again and I'll add another 5 years to your sentence."  
"Okay, Commander, Captain. To what do I owe the honor of this visit?"  
"We need your help."  
"Again?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
"Because you're the only one who's already forfeited magic."  
"What's in it for me?"  
"10 years off your sentence."  
"15."  
"5."  
"15 or I don't budge. You can't force me to work for you. I'm beginning to feel quite comfortable here."  
Root's face turned slightly purple. "I'll make it uncomfortable then. It can be arranged."  
"Oh, no, don't trouble yourself over little ol' me. So what's the job?" asked Mulch, thoroughly enjoying himself.  
It was Holly that answered. "We've got reason to suspect that Fowl's been monitoring us somehow. Your job is to go in and find out how. He's just about home for Christmas vacation."  
"Is it a yes or no, convict?"  
"12 years off. Take it or leave it." He was planning his escape anyway. Nothing could stop a tunneling dwarf.  
"Deal. We'll be back to get you a week from tomorrow morning." Root and Holly retreated.  
Mulch when back to counting the bricks while he planned his escape. Fowl would help him certainly. The two were valuable business assets to one another. Unless of course Fowl betrayed him . . . if the Council offered a better price on his head than he was worth, and Fowl found out about it Fowl would probably turn him in.  
But that was unlikely. Fowl may not be kind but he was greedy and Mulch knew how to control greedy people. He took out a deck of cards he'd coaxed Holly into letting him have and began to play solitaire.  
  
I PROMISE TO PUT THE NEXT CHAPTER UP LATER TODAY 


	2. Fowl's Foul Mood

Artemis walked back into Fowl Manor like a pale shadow; his fingers itched to be again at the computers in the study. His new school had forbidden the use of computers outside of the school's own library computers; the library computers were monitored at all times. Artemis had been forced to work out of notebooks for any of his even slightly dubious projects and spiral notebooks could not be connected to the Internet. "Where are they, Butler?" he asked, as the manservant approached behind him with his bags.  
"They are still out of town. They're plane couldn't take off because of the bad weather." Indeed it was snowing profusely outside.  
"Just place my things in my room please, Butler. Except for that bag. I'll be in the study." Artemis picked up the bag in question and disappeared up the stairs. The bag contained approximately 30 spiral notebooks filled with pages upon pages of his writing. Artemis would have preferred to use his laptop rather than writing everything down by hand, but his laptop had been mailed home as soon as it had been found. His cell phone had been mailed home the instant it had been found (which was approximately 48 minutes after Artemis arrived). Three days into school one of his classmates turned him in and the laptop was taken. But since it came to writing everything down the old fashioned way he would have preferred a locked diary, but that too was against regulations had sent home. Artemis was fortunate that all he had written on the page was "Things have been unusually quiet recently. I need more work to keep busy and I should soon be in contact with certain People, if I'm not mistaken. After all, they don't usually leave me quiet for so long." Locks of any sort really were against school regulation (except for locks on the bathrooms). The dormitories had little signs you could hang on the door that said "Dressing. Do not disturb" but there was no lock and no chair to shove against the door to keep someone from opening it.  
All the boys (there were no girls) were required to join at least a single sports team a semester as there was no physical education class offered. Artemis was forced to share his room with three other boys, as there were no private dormitories available. Every room was the same, consisting of 4 beds, 4 small wardrobes, and 4 nightstands with a lamp atop each. No phone lines. He was glad to be home, and though slightly irritated at not finding his parents there, was really much happier to be alone. Despite his days on the swim team (the pool was heated) he was beginning to like people less and less.  
He settled in front of the computer in the large oak study and began to painstakingly transfer everything in his notebooks to his computer, saving them on disk and the computer itself. As he typed he thought irately about asking for a new room assignment. Benjamin, who insisted on being called "Benny", was excessively upbeat. Nobody should be that perky, ever; especially not at five in the morning when he insisted on getting up. Stuart was an athlete who participated in as many sports as he could possibly fit into his schedule and was extremely popular. He was the stereotypical cool jock, adored by all. Mitchell was to put it bluntly: a nosey little teacher's pet and resident tattletale. Mitchell could do the work, and spent hours in the school library, but he was no genius. He raised his hand in every class though most of the teachers saw through his act of "the perfect student". He had taken an immediate dislike to Artemis after Artemis had outscored him not only on pop quizzes in every class on the first day of school but on the follow up quizzes each class had on the second day without studying first. Mitchell had studied and he knew Artemis hadn't. So Mitchell tried to get him in as much trouble as possible. He was the one who had alerted the school of Artemis's laptop as well as the locked journal.  
Every notebook was filled to his capacity but Artemis had finished transferring the first 15 within an hour; he was one of the world's top 5 typists.  
Butler knocked and entered the study, bringing Artemis some dinner.  
"Thank you, Butler. The school food is atrocious, worse than St. Bartleby's."  
"I heard you placed 8th in the regional swim meet."  
Artemis shrugged. It had been bitter losing to the other seven, even though he detested the sport. "A trivial thing."  
"Are you enjoying school?"  
"Not in the least. Those boys I am forced to room with are prats. And the swim team . . .well that's just embarrassing."  
"I am a thinker. A planner. I do not do manual labor. Practicing for the team was difficult. Nothing is ever difficult for me," he explained simply. "I wasn't the best."  
"No one can be the best at everything."  
"But I was the best at everything I tried."  
"There's always somebody better. Get used to it." 


	3. The Evidence

Holly and Root were meeting in the Ops Room with Foaly when Trouble came in.  
"What do you want, Lieutenant?" growled Root. "We're in the middle of something important."  
"Diggums sent me, sir, to-"  
"You're taking orders from a convict! Get outta my sight, Kelp!"  
"He wanted to know about the job you're pulling him out for!" squeaked Trouble, backing away.  
"Tell him that he'll get the information when we're good and ready."  
"Yessir, Commander Root, sir!" Trouble made a quick salute and dashed off.  
"That boy . . ." he said threateningly. "I can see why you broke up with him."  
"What do you mean, sir?"  
"He's a wimp."  
Holly's reply was stiff. "No he's not. It's not any of your business why I broke up with him, sir, but for your information, it was a mutual break up because I've got better things to do in my life than go out to dinner and dancing or movies."  
"I'm sorry, Holly. I didn't mean it that way. You're like a daughter to me and sometimes I get over involved in these things."  
"Understood, sir."  
Foaly cleared his throat, "Can we get back to the matter at hand?"  
"Right, donkey-boy. Let's go over this again. Just what makes you think Fowl is monitoring the Haven?"  
"Well, it's really just a hunch." Foaly looked incredibly sheepish.  
"A HUNCH?"  
"Human technology seems to be advancing faster than it should."  
"Just because the mud men are getting a little smarter you're having us go pull Fowl out of his own home?" asked Holly.  
"I found a bug in my Ops Room."  
"A bug?" asked Root.  
"A monitoring device. But I couldn't trace where it was sending feedback to."  
"I know what a bug is!" he snapped.  
"Touchy."  
"What makes you so sure it's Fowl and not another fairy?"  
"Nobody under the earth is smarter than me."  
"So, donkey, are you saying Fowl is smarter than you?" asked Holly, with an evil grin.  
"NO! But I don't generally allow fairies in here without me. My guess is that Fowl installed the bug somehow the last time he was here."  
"And they didn't notice the last time they changed the batteries?"  
"That's how we found out about the bug. The battery being changed." The batteries on Foaly's cameras had to be changed every 6 months or so; Foaly said that using a nuclear-powered battery would mess with cameras too much.  
  
Sorry this chapter's so short. I'll update ASAP. R&R por favor! 


	4. Making Plans

"I want to see the blueprints for Fowl Manor," barked Root.  
"Okay, I can have those on the screen in just a-"  
"I don't think so, pony. It'll be quicker for Short to go get them from my office. You know which cabinet. On the double, Captain!"  
Holly exited quickly.  
Foaly's tail twitched irritably. "I could have pulled them up quicker." Instantly, there were the floor plans.  
"Get rid of those, donkey. I had to send Short away for a minute."  
"What for?"  
"Holly deserves better than Kelp. What does she see in him?"  
"Sir?"  
"What?"  
"I've known Holly and Trouble both for a long time. I've known you for even longer. I never saw Trouble happier than when he was dating Holly. I don't think I've seen Holly happier either. Trouble's an excellent officer, much like you at his age. You've got fatherly worry over Holly. I've had many ex-girlfriends, well, at least a couple ex-girlfriends, and let me tell you: there's never a guy good enough for any father's daughter. Colonel Short is gone, sir. You're the closest thing Captain Short has to a father."  
"What about you, Foaly?"  
"Me? I'm the annoying big brother."  
"You got the annoying part right. Put the screen back."  
Foaly did so and Holly came in with the hard copy blue prints. "We need a plan of attack."  
"I know that, Short," said Root. "Why do you think we're here?"  
"Well, if we're going to come up with a plan I suggest e bring the rest of the team in, sir."  
"Who exactly, Captain?"  
"Lieutenant Colonel Kelp and Mulch Diggums."  
"I'm not letting that dwarf anywhere near my sensitive computers!" shrieked Foaly.  
  
Root sighed. "Bring Kelp in. The convict stays in his cell."  
Holly opened the door and went out. Foaly saw through the crack that Mulch and Kelp were both there already. He snickered.  
"Something funny?"  
"No, sir," said Foaly. "All joking aside, I think they were good for each other."  
"How do you mean?"  
"I said I never saw either of them happier. It was good for Holly to feel like someone seriously cared about her; someone who wasn't just one of the idiots that flirt with her when she doesn't want them to."  
"I care! You care. She doesn't see that?"  
"I'm just a stupid horse, what do I know?" Foaly shrugged. "And Trouble, well it was a heck of a confidence boost for him."  
Root was about to say something, but Holly and Trouble walked in.  
Trouble was muttering angrily under his breath.  
Foaly grinned. "Mulch swiped your wallet again, huh?"  
"Yes!" Trouble snapped.  
Foaly snickered. "Let's figure out what we're going to do. I suggest we send Mulch in first, to look around. Fowl's friendly with him and even if Fowl sees him it won't be a big deal. Fowl knows the LEP isn't exactly friendly with Mulch and he shouldn't suspect anything. It's not like he's smart enough to be me or anything."  
All the elves in the room rolled their eyes.  
"No one appreciates me! Mulch can pretend he escaped and is looking for a friend."  
Root snorted. "What's the point of sending the convict in? Fowl's not dumb enough to secure us an invitation. Or if he did do it, it'd be on purpose. Besides, I'm not giving the convict a chance to escape."  
"Mulch can check the all-clear for us, see what he can find, come back out to us, and if we need to, we send Holly in. Her invitation from the kidnapping should still be valid. The wording was 'none of your People may enter here while I am alive', but that didn't apply to Holly. She was already there."  
Root and Trouble both looked very angry. "We are not sending her in alone!" they shouted at Foaly. They blinked at each other in surprise. They'd actually agreed.  
"IF anyone cares what I think," Holly said loudly, "I think it's a good plan."  
"Thank you, Holly," said Foaly pompously.  
"Don't flatter yourself, horse. I said it was a good plan. I didn't think it was great. But it's the best we got and I don't think there will be a better one anytime soon. So, Foaly, you take care of things down here. Mulch and I will go to the surface. Everything will be taken care of in no time." She obviously saw the look Trouble and Julius were giving her. "Fine. I'll take a few back up officers. No more than 2!"  
"We're your men," said Trouble.  
"I want to come!" said Foaly.  
"You'll be more helpful here. Get us some gear and we can hop on the next shuttle out of here. I suppose both of you are coming?" she looked with exasperation at Root and Trouble. Remembering it did not pay to be rude to your commanding officer, Holly instead glared only at Trouble. Trouble was her superior too, but it didn't matter. She could terrorize him all she wanted. "Kelp, go get Mulch."  
"Watch it, Captain. I'm a Lieutenant. Besides, Commander Root hasn't given the orders yet."  
"Do as she says, Kelp! I'm officially putting her in charge over you."  
"But, sir-"  
"That's an order, Kelp! Hop to it now!"  
Trouble saluted and vacated the vicinity.  
Within an hour, Root, Short, Kelp, and Diggums were on a shuttle leaving the Haven. 


	5. Outside the Manor

Holly sat in the pilot's chair and Trouble was in the copilot's chair. Root was keeping an eye on Mulch elsewhere on the shuttle. Holly had buzzed him for trying to steal Trouble's wallet earlier and he was now avoiding her.  
"You know, Holls," said Trouble. "Some people think you spend entirely too much time on the surface."  
"Are you one of them?"  
"No."  
There was silence.  
"Do you really think Fowl's behind this?" asked Trouble.  
"Why ask me?"  
"You know Fowl better. You've been at the heart of all the other Fowl cases. Do you really think Fowl's behind this?"  
"No. I don't. I think he's the logical choice, but I don't think it's him. It's not his style. He'd try to download Foaly's computer rather than just bug the Ops Room."  
"Then why are we here?"  
Holly landed the shuttle. "Orders are orders and if Foaly thinks this is a possibility then we've got to check it out." She shouted, "Everybody out of my shuttle!"  
"I'll be keeping my eye on you, Diggums." Root prodded Mulch with his blaster to keep him moving.  
They got out at the fairy fort. The shuttle was parked and they got all their gear together. Foaly had issued them new hover-scooters to get them to Fowl Manor, which was about 20 klicks from Tara.  
They stopped twenty yards from the Manor. "Alright, Mulch. Don't even try to escape. With Foaly's new sleeper in you, you won't get far if you try to escape, so don't try." It was of course a bluff. The sleepers wouldn't work on the surface but they'd lied to Mulch, put a "new" subcutaneous sleeper in him, and said that it would work above ground.  
"We forgot the iris cams," said Trouble.  
"I never agreed to wear one," said Mulch.  
"Dwarf, you get in, find out what you can, and get out. If you're not out in 1 hour, Short is coming in after you. Understand?"  
"Sure thing, Julius." Mulch winked.  
"Don't call me Julius, convict!"  
Mulch unbuttoned his back flap and the rest of them ran for immediate cover.  
Trouble didn't want to stay near Holly while they waited for Mulch to return. He wanted to wait with her, but he didn't think it'd be a good idea. So he climbed into a large tree and sat on one of the limbs.  
Foaly's voice came from inside his helmet, "Hey, Trubsy."  
"Shut-up, horse."  
"Why the foul temper, Lieutenant?"  
The bad pun went unnoticed by Trouble. "I think I'm going to have to quit the LEP."  
"Why?" Trouble was one of the best officers LEP had, ranking right up there with Holly.  
"I'm going crazy. I can't stand working with her anymore. It's too painful."  
Foaly had no doubt about who he was talking about and decided that now was not the time to be funny. It was time to be serious. "You could always tell her how you feel."  
"No, I can't."  
"You're such a drama queen, Kelp. So what if you take a dive? At least then you'll know for sure how she feels."  
"No! I already know how she feels about me. She can't stand me. I know we've both been saying it was a mutual break up before, but that was just her being nice and saving me from humiliation. She dumped me."  
This was a surprise. "Why?"  
"She never told me why. Just said that it'd be better if we didn't see each other anymore outside of work."  
"Oh."  
"I'll hand in my resignation when we get back to the Police Plaza."  
"Don't."  
"Goodbye, Foaly." Trouble shut off his communicator.  
  
Root was not the most sensitive of men, but even he had noticed Trouble's mood lately.  
He approached the tree Trouble had disappeared to and heard him speaking. Root assumed the boy was just thinking out-loud, but it became immediately apparent that he was talking to Foaly. Stupid centaur. Root listened to the conversation as best he could. Trouble and Foaly were on a private channel so Root could only hear Trouble's side of the conversation. When Trouble stopped talking, Root turned on a channel to talk to Foaly.  
He used a whisper-shout. "FOALY!" There was murder in his voice. "I am not losing me second best officer!"  
"What, sir?" Now did not seem to be the time to test Root's temper.  
"I heard Trouble talking. I am not going to lose my best officer because he's a little lovesick! What are you going to do about it?"  
"Sir, what do you want me to do? I'm not the one he's in love with."  
"Argh!"  
"I already explained this to you, sir. You have to get Trouble to talk to Holly. It's the only way."  
"What am I supposed to do? Tell them to kiss and make up?"  
Mulch resurfaced just a few feet from Root. "No good. Solid limestone. He went and put limestone in the bare spots from before. Only way in is through the door."  
"Then get going!"  
"You're grumpy."  
"That's because we've been stuck out here in the snow!" It had begun to snow again. He went to the common channel, "Kelp, Short, shield now."  
Mulch sauntered up to the house.  
  
A/N: So, I'm bringing in some H/T but this isn't going to be easy on him. Poor Trouble! hehe, I got the idea of calling him "Trubsy" from a review by Kelsey. Read and Review and I'll update soon! 


	6. Inside

Artemis went downstairs. He stood on the landing speaking with Butler.  
The door opened and a snow-covered dwarf stomped in. "Do you realize how hard you make it for a dwarf to get in here? Solid limestone! It didn't used to be so bad."  
"I got wary after you stole my father's pocket watch."  
"All that fuss for a watch? I'll sell it back for a price."  
"Last I heard, you were in jail. Is this the result of another of your triumphant escapes?"  
"Not this time. I'm out on business. Got anywhere I can sit down and have something to drink?"  
"Yes. Come into the parlor." Artemis went to an intercom, "Juliet, bring refreshments to the parlor. Be sure to include some Irish mineral water and some carrots."  
"Yes, Arty."  
"Right this way, Mister Diggums."  
Mulch grinned. Fowl always was the gracious host.  
They sat down. "What brings you to my humble abode?"  
"Business." Mulch completely disregarded the story he had worked out with Root. "Foaly seems to think you're tampering with LEP security. I don't know if that's the case and I don't care. But you and I could make a killing working together and that's what I do care about."  
"I'm supposed to be going straight, you know. No more illegal activities now that my father is back from Russia. His business with Russia was legal."  
"You and I both know, Mud Boy, that what is and what's supposed to be are very different things. Like you said before, with the two of us, Fort Knox would be a pushover!"  
"That's true. But do you mean to say, you want me to risk getting mindwiped by your government and protect you while we make our fortunes?"  
"Between you and me, Fowl, they're just looking for an excuse to mindwipe you."  
"And helping you would be the perfect excuse for them to do it. This may very well be a trap. I want proof."  
"Proof?" Mulch sputtered. Maybe this wasn't going too well. "I was supposed to come in here, look for proof that you were spying on us, and get back out. In fact, Julius, Trouble, and Holly are waiting outside. By kidnapping Holly when you first found out about us you secured her an invitation that you never rescinded! She can come in at any point in time she wants. If I'm not back out within an hour of coming in here then she's coming to get me. You'll be mesmered and on the first shuttle back to Haven."  
"Really? You think so with only you, a magicless dwarf, and 3 LEP officers?"  
Holly stood framed in the doorway and said, "The 3 best LEP officers."  
  
A half an hour after Mulch had gone in, Root said, "Go in after him, Holly."  
Trouble asked, "I thought you were giving him an hour?"  
Holly snorted. "A whole hour? That's idiotic. Of course I'm going in after him." With that, she took off for the house. (Then we see her when she says "The 3 best LEP officers")  
Root approached Trouble. Trouble had watched Holly leave and sighed. Root whispered menacingly in his ear, "So, I hear you're interested in officer Short."  
"Yes, sir. She's a very interesting person."  
"I mean, you're interested in her as more than a friend or colleague."  
"Yes. But I haven't broken any harassment regulations."  
"I know that. But you go out of your way to be around and see her." He took a puff of his noxious-smelling, trademark, fungal cigars, and exhaled right in Kelp's face. "Keep talking."  
Trouble's eyes strung from the smoke but he didn't blink. He held Root's stare, without wavering. "That's because I miss her, sir."  
"You see her nearly everyday, Lieutenant."  
"That's the worst way to miss someone, sir. To see them and know they're there, but know you can't have them. It's harsh. I love her."  
"Then why are you quitting LEP? You're one of my best officers!"  
"Because, she doesn't love me. It's too painful to see her everyday and know she doesn't feel the way I do."  
"Don't start crying, Lieutenant. You don't know how she feels until you ask her. When she comes back, ask her. That's an order!"  
  
A/N: This author's note is a spoiler, but if you still want to read it, scroll down.  
  
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Okay. I know it seriously sounds like Holly hates Trouble and can't stand him, or it at least sounds like she doesn't want to date him. But that's not necessarily the case. I was going to leave that whole conversation between Trouble and Root until later but I thought I might as well put it in now. I'm not guaranteeing anything but things are at as hopeless as they seem between Holly and Trouble. 


	7. Busted

Holly glared at the Mud Men and dwarf. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't Mesmer you now and take you down to the Haven to be mindwiped."  
"Because you need me," Artemis answered casually but promptly.  
"What would we need with a Mud Boy like you?" she spat.  
"You think I'm stealing Fairy technology. I am not, but obviously someone is. You'll need help finding out whom. I can be of service."  
Holly didn't miss the slight but obvious sneer in his voice. She drew her weapon. "Come on, boys."  
Butler was alert. He didn't think the elf would shoot his charge; if she did she'd heal him, most fairy weapons weren't designed to kill. To be on the safe side, Butler walked in front of Artemis, covering him as much as possible. Holly immediately cuffed Mulch's wrists.  
"Take it easy, Holly, these hurt," Mulch whined.  
"My name is Captain Short, convict." She put the reflective visor down on her helmet; she'd be on the safe side and leave no way for the Mud Boy to order her.  
"You sound more and more like Julius everyday."  
"Thank you," she snarled and tapped him with her buzz baton.  
"It wasn't a compliment," Diggums replied, rubbing his smarting rear.  
Holly brought the three of them outside.  
"What?" thundered Root.  
"I caught Diggums trying to cut a deal with Fowl."  
"I'm adding 30 years to your sentence, convict!"  
"But you said you were taking away 12," he whined; it was beginning to look as though he might not escape after all.  
"Fine. I'm taking off 12 years and adding 42!"  
Mulch sulked as the Mud Man drove them and their gear back to Tara.  
  
Sorry it's been so long since I updated and sorry this chapter is so short. I'm having major brain block. Here's a preview of the next chapter  
  
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Eventually they smuggled Fowl, Butler, and Mulch into the Ops Room. Mulch was only there because he'd threatened to scream that Mud Men were on the premises if they returned him to his cell so soon. Foaly was not happy.  
"Anything in that you need to report, horse?"  
"Yeah. There's two Mud Men in my Ops Booth."  
"FOALY!"  
"Nothing," he said miserably. 


	8. Inside Ops

Eventually they smuggled Fowl, Butler, and Mulch into the Ops Room. Mulch was only there because he'd threatened to scream that Mud Men were on the premises if they returned him to his cell so soon. Foaly was not happy.  
"Anything in that you need to report, horse?"  
"Yeah. There's two Mud Men in my Ops Booth."  
"FOALY!"  
"Nothing," he said miserably.  
"So you still have no idea who has penetrated your information network?" asked Artemis.  
Foaly glared at him. "If we knew who it was, you wouldn't be here."  
Artemis sat down in Foaly's chair (with as much grace and dignity as he could, considering it wasn't made for bipedals). "We need to formulate a comprehensive list of everyone who has been in here the last 12 months."  
Foaly's eyes nearly left their sockets. "EVERYONE? That'll take days! Weeks even. 6 months."  
Artemis smiled, his trademark vampire smile. "Then I suggest we begin." He took out an ordinary spiral notebook (he'd grown somewhat accustomed to these) and a ballpoint pen.  
Foaly began his list of everyone who had been inside the Ops booth in the last 6 months. His list included nearly every member of the LEP, two repairmen, and 7 of Foaly's techies. Foaly didn't do a complete list for the whole year gone by but he added Fowl to the list anyway, just for good measure.  
"So I'm guessing it was an inside job," said Artemis.  
"What?" Root was clearly offended.  
"Come, come, Commander, it's not as though we haven't known officers to go to the bad here." His voice was like smooth silk.  
"I don't think that was the case this time," Root was trying to keep his cool. It wasn't working.  
"Then that leaves the repairmen and myself. Although I certainly have not been here in the last six months."  
"Prove it," Foaly said, quite frustrated.  
"Surely a genius such as yourself or your fine police squad would have caught me long before this. After all, I'm just a stupid Mud Boy."  
"Are you mocking us, Fowl?" growled Root.  
"Not at all," he said sarcastically.  
Holly hit him with her baton.  
"Ow!"  
"Smarts, don't it?" asked Diggums, who had been on the receiving end of such blows many times.  
Artemis didn't dignify the question with a response. "If you are so convinced that it was not an inside job, then you must get the repairmen back immediately and question them. But don't say I didn't warn you."  
Foaly began to search through files for the name of the repair company. He couldn't believe he was taking orders from a Mud Boy. Especially this Mud Boy! He got a strong urge to strangle someone.  
While Foaly searched Holly said to Commander Root, "Sir, might it not be better to get the Mud Men out of here?"  
"That's just what I was thinking, Short. Kelp!"  
"Yessir," Trouble said guiltily, tearing his eyes away from Holly and bringing himself back to reality.  
Root sighed. Why didn't that boy just tell her and get it over with? Whimp. "Return the convict to his cell."  
"Now, sir?"  
"NOW, Kelp!"  
"Yes, sir!" He exited hastily with a protesting Mulch.  
"About the Mu-I mean humans, sir?"  
"Take Fowl to Archie's. I'll give him a call so he knows to expect you."  
Artemis did not like the grin that appeared on Holly's face when she replied, "Yessir!"  
"What about me?" asked Butler.  
"You're staying here, big man," said Holly.  
"Artemis doesn't go anywhere without me."  
Root said, "Butler, you will remain here until I leave for the day and then you're coming home with me. There's enough room there. If you duck."  
  
Sorry it's been so long between chapters. More will go up when I get reviews! 


	9. Unicorns

Author's Note: Hey, thanks for all the reviews. *hugs reviewers* Okay, to answer some questions. . . This is the 3rd part of a trilogy, and Trouble became a Lieutenant Colonel between the 1st and 2nd books. I didn't know that Captain was higher than Lieutenant. I made the assumption because Briar Cudgeon was (I think) called Lieutenant and he became Acting- Commander during the first Artemis Fowl book. I assumed that if Captain was higher, one of the captains might have had the position. Anyway, I went through this story and my other stories and changed all the Lieutenants to Lieutenant Colonel or Colonel (that's okay right?) Anyway in regards to Holly/Trouble, I told you it was coming, but it's not here yet. It's written and I know where its going and when, but that's a side plot and I'm having problems with the stupid mess that's supposed to be the main plot. The whole info leakage thing that I'm completely back into a corner with. At any rate, I've got it, and it's written and I'll email a piece of it to anyone who wants it (I think it's a really sweet scene but I can't put it in 'til later). Just let me know if your interested. I'll stop boring you now and let you get on with the story. Sorry the A/N is so long.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Root leaned back in the cushy leather chair in his office, talking on the phone. "Yeah, Archie, this is no joke. Don't tell a soul or I'll flay you within an inch of your life. We've got to put him somewhere for the day. That Mud Brat has made my life miserable enough the last few years so now it's time for a little payback. I just wish I could see it. Holly and him will be there in about an hour. I just sent them out in an armored LEP car so it'll be easy for you to recognize them. I mean, how many Mud Boys are running around here after all?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Holly managed to smuggle Fowl out of the Police Plaza and into an armored car without being seen. She was in such good spirits that she didn't object when Fowl sat in the passenger's seat instead of the back hold of the vehicle.  
"Where are we going, Captain?"  
"To see Archie."  
"Who is Archie and why are we going to see him?"  
"Archie's an old friend. And we're going to see him because I need to take you somewhere. You're certainly not coming back to my house." She started whistling.  
Artemis was somewhat worried. Holly was entirely too happy. Wherever she was taking him, it couldn't be good.  
After an hour or so of driving they'd left the City behind (or almost nearly). They came to a house with gleaming white horses in a large picketed area.  
The horses had horns.  
Artemis read a large sign that said (in Gnomish letters) "Welcome to Archie's Unicorn Riding School".  
Holly grinned. "You're in for a IfunI afternoon. This is the only place outside Haven, and the shuttles, underground that's equalized. Anywhere else and the pressure would crush your puny little lungs." She grabbed his arm and hauled him off toward an older man who was waving at them.  
"Holly!"  
"Archie, Root called you, right?"  
"Of course he did. I had to cancel 2 appoints so that you two would be the only guests here for the afternoon."  
"What am I doing here?" asked Artemis.  
Archie said in Gnomishs, "He ain't too bright, is he?"  
Holly said replied in English, "Don't let him fool you. He can read Gnomish. He knows exactly what he's doing here."  
"If you mean, Captain, that you are going to try to get me on one of those IthingsI you are quite mistaken."  
"Nope."  
"What?"  
"Fowl, we aren't going to try to put you on one of those things. We are going to put you on one of those things."  
"No, you will not," he said, with as must dignity as he could muster.  
"Yes, we will. You're going to learn to ride a unicorn."  
Artemis hated horses.  
"Unless of course you're afraid, or don't even know how to ride a horse?" taunted Holly.  
"Certainly not!" He strode off toward the beasts. It wasn't something he'd normally do (trying to prove he could do something just because someone mocked him), but Artemis tried to climb onto one of the unicorns. He couldn't get the dratted thing to stand still. "Come back here. No, you stupid thing. D'Arvit!"  
Holly and Archie were laughing and keeping their conversation in English, purely to vex Fowl. "How cute, the Mud Boy's cursing in Gnomish."  
"He must have picked the habit up from you."  
"I only curse so much when I'm around him. It's because he's annoying git."  
"Would you like some help?"  
"No, I'm fine," Artemis said, stiffly.  
After about half an hour, Fowl accepted help. Archie and Holly led Fowl and one of the unicorns to the stable they put a saddle on the unicorn (although only beginners ever used saddles) and helped Fowl up onto its back with the lengthened stirrups. Holly and Archie held the reigns and petted the horse as they led it out of the stable. Holly and Archie instructed Fowl on what to do.  
He listened but then said irritably, "Any idiot can do this. Let go."  
"Fine by me." Holly let go.  
Artemis dug his heels in the animal's sides trying to get it to move. The unicorn, Archie had said her name was Belle, certainly moved. Belle started rearing up on her hind legs and running wildly. Artemis tried to stay on. He tried and failed and landed on his rear with a loud thump and a large thud. Archie ran to get Belle under control.  
Holly healed him. "Weren't you listening at all? Belle doesn't like that! You could have been killed."  
"You were worried?"  
"Not about you, just about my job."  
"Oh."  
Holly snagged one of the other unicorns and got on, galloping around the yard easily. She stared at Artemis, sitting on top of Belle, in a challenging way and he attempted to mimic her. By the time Archie announced they had to leave, Artemis was barely able to handle a slow trot alone.  
Archie said, "Julius said for you to take him back to your place, Holls."  
"I know." She looked disgusted at the thought.  
"I'd let him stay here but it'll be better for him to be in the city. The pressure here isn't exactly great for a Mud Boy's lungs. I mean, it's better than most places but the Haven is best. Besides, my granddaughter is coming this afternoon."  
"You tell her hi for me then." She gave him a hug. The man had been like an uncle to her. Nobody forgets their lessons on how to ride unicorns.  
Holly glared at Artemis as they climbed in the car again. She was not looking forward to this at all. 


	10. At Holly's Place

Author's Note: Here's the next chapter! I think I sent the Holly/Trouble stuff to everyone who asked. If you want it and I didn't send it, let me know. As always, thanks for reviewing.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Artemis pondered the situation, wondering how much of a coincidence it was that he would be separated from Butler. He doubted it. He stole a glance at Holly. She did not seem at all pleased with the situation. Her mood only seemed to worsen as they got closer to the city.  
She parked in front of a small house and looked around outside. She'd instructed him to wait until she got the door to the house unlocked before he exited the car. She also mentioned that it'd be wise to hunch over and cover his head with his blazer.  
He watched her look around furtively as she typed in a series of digits to unlock the door; digits she carefully shielded from his view. Obviously she didn't trust him. No matter, he was sure he could break in if he wanted to.  
She opened the door and growled agitatedly, "Get in."  
Artemis got out of the car, ducked under the doorway of the house, and entered. The place was not at all to his liking. It was a mess. There were clothes everywhere. Mostly green jumpsuits or tunics and a few things that resembled bras that females above ground wore. Sturdy, practical looking shoes and boots. Wrappers from Nutri-Bars. Little dust-covered knickknacks on shelves. A few dumbbells. The main room appeared to be a living room with a comfortable looking couch, a television on a cluttered little stand, two windows, a table and chairs, and a kitchen that wasn't really separated from the living room. There were three other doors beside the one he had entered from.  
"I wasn't expecting company." She shrugged off her black jacket and dropped it on the floor by the door.  
"Obviously. Don't I get the courtesy of a tour?"  
"This is what I think you'd call a living room and you can see the kitchen is right there. There's the back door. Try not to make any messes." She went and shut the curtains. There was no need for anyone to be passing by and see the Mud Boy.  
Artemis examined one of the doors. "What about this room?" He started to open it and Holly quickly came and slammed it shut, sorry that she didn't catch his fingers in it.  
"That's my room. You're not to go in there."  
"You've yet to point out a guest room. Where am I supposed to sleep?" He thought it might be the third door and started toward there.  
"On the couch. That's a linen closet.  
Artemis hated having to ask questions but there was one more that was especially necessary. "Where am I supposed to relieve myself?"  
She gave a snort of laughter. "Outside."  
Artemis's initial thought was, "Gross! How barbaric can you get?" but he instead said, "And how are you going to explain me to your neighbors? I thought I was public enemy number one."  
"I won't. The be slime pool and drainage area for you to relieve yourself at are in the little building in the backyard."  
Holly told Artemis to sit on the couch and shut-up while she made dinner. She didn't put any sort of big effort into it. She just brought out some cold carrots, a couple of protein shakes, and a couple of Nutri-Bars. She handed half the food to Artemis and ate the rest for herself, turning on the television.  
"What do you want to watch? We've got some Mud Man movies. Wizard of Oz. Newsies. The Jungle Book. Foaly sends me all the new videos he gets. Take your pick. Or there's cable."  
Artemis settled on a movie called Willow, which they watched while they ate. The door that Artemis had supposed could be the guestroom earlier, turned out merely to be a storage closet containing a few spare pillows and blankets, a gun or two, nuclear batteries, weights, and boxes of things. She locked the closet back up.  
"Stand up," she growled.  
Artemis did as she demanded and she sloppily made up the couch with a sheet, two blankets, and two pillows. "G'night." With the Mud Boy here she decided to skip her usual workout. On occasion she went to the gym, but she didn't dare leave Fowl here alone. Normally however she just worked out at home, but she didn't want to workout with him here.  
Now that Holly had seen that the Mud Boy was well settled on the sofa for the night, she finally decided it was safe for her to take a dip in her slime pool.  
She quietly went outside. Inside the shed-like building she switched on the light, closed the curtain (she lived alone so there was really no need for a proper door or lock, after all the backyard had a fence around it and no one could see in), and peeled off her clothing. She piled it all in a corner and slowly sank into the warm pool. Bliss.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Artemis had redone all his bedding and fluffed his pillows after Holly had gone off to bed. Holly had made some effort to pick up a few of the things around the room after dinner. As soon as he had finished with the couch he turned off the movie and searched for a news station. After the program ended, he tried to fall asleep. The sofa was quite comfortable, even if a little small. But he couldn't sleep. He wondered a little how Butler was managing in a fairy-sized home.  
He got up, thinking, I shouldn't have had that second smoothie. He figured Holly was asleep so he went quietly to the backyard to relieve himself. He opened the curtain and heard a shriek. Captain Short had just started to get out of the slime pool when he walked in. She immediately sunk back in deeper than before, now up to her chin. "Mud Boy, what under the earth are you doing here? I thought you were asleep!" She was thankful that the slime was too thick for him to see through.  
"I thought you were asleep," he said stiffly. "I came out to use the facilities."  
She glared at him. Was there anything more embarrassing than this? She didn't think so. "Go inside now. Wait on the couch. I think we'd better lay down some ground rules."  
Artemis nodded and walked away as quickly as he could.  
When Holly came back inside, once more fully dressed, her eyes were still pink with anger and embarrassment. Rule 1: Knock. Always knock. Rule 2: Don't come in my room. Rule 3: Don't snoop. I don't want you trying to break into my closet or listening to my phone conversations." She turned to leave.  
"Rule 4: Treat me with some respect," Artemis said, he was unable to meet her eyes and kept his eyes on his shoes.  
"If I had my way, Fowl, you'd be spending the night in a cell at the Police Plaza, or better yet above ground where you couldn't bother me. When you've earned it, you can have some respect but not before. Do you understand?"  
"Yes, Captain." Holly had been so quietly fierce in her little tirade that his voice came out with the merest touch of meekness.  
"Good. G'night."  
"Goodnight, Captain," his usual calm and superior attitude had returned. He wondered again how Butler was faring in a fairy home?  
Holly went to her room and slammed the door shut. She picked up the phone and called Root's home phone; something no fairy did often. "Julius, we need to talk."  
  
Uh-oh, thought Root, she called me Julius. This can't be good. "What is it, Holly?"  
"It's the Mud Boy. How much longer does Fowl have to stay with me? I want him gone tomorrow morning. He's not staying here alone when I go to work. We can put him in one of the isolation cells at the police plaza."  
He should have known. "I know it's an awkward situation, Holly, but we've got to make do with what we've got. What's the problem?"  
"He walked in on me when I was taking a bath!"  
"Oh." Now what was he supposed to do? He couldn't take Fowl out of there. He couldn't have another human in his house and there was nowhere else to put him. It was time to break the news to Holly. He'd wrestled with this decision earlier. "Captain Short, you will not be coming into the office tomorrow."  
"What? Are you trying to tell me I'm stuck here with Fowl all day tomorrow?"  
"Yes. I'm sorry but there's no where else to put him."  
"Are you trying to make me kill him? 'Cause I'm this close!"  
"I can't do anything for you, Holly. I'm sorry."  
She sighed.  
Root almost hung up, she sounded so depressed. He got an idea. "I tell you what, I'll send Kelp down to see you tomorrow. Lend you some moral support."  
"Thanks, Commander." Big help, she thought sarcastically. "How are you doing with the big guy?"  
"We're managing. It's not easy, but . . .we're managing."  
That didn't sound like it was going too well. "How much longer do you think we have to detain them?"  
"I don't know. That horse is interviewing the repairmen in the morning. They're our only lead."  
"But do we really still need Fowl here?"  
"I don't know. I'm going to browbeat Foaly into some answers in the morning."  
"Okay." She knew he was doing his best.  
"I'll have Trouble bring in some contraband from the surface that Fowl can wear so he doesn't stink up your house by wearing the same clothes. I'm sure Mulch has something hidden somewhere."  
"Thank you, sir."  
"Goodnight, Holly."  
"Goodnight, Commander."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Artemis went to Holly's door and could hear her talking, but couldn't quite catch what she was saying. He searched and found what he concluded must be another phone (since it appeared she was having a conversation). He was disappointed to find her whole conversation was in Gnomish and replaced the phone and crawled back under his blankets.  
He hoped Holly would not come in here in the night and kill him. With that foreboding thought, he fell asleep.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Root and Trouble between them (and with some technology from Foaly) had managed to sneak Butler into Root's house. Trouble had gone ahead and greatly enlarged the doorway from the garage to the house with a hammer. It wasn't pretty but it was just barely large enough for him to fit through. Homes were less accommodating than the Police Plaza after all. Root's house was larger than Holly's (though Butler didn't know this). Julius Root had lived here with his wife and daughter, so there was considerably more space.  
After dinner, Butler had moved the couch to clear a space on the floor to sleep on. But even if they pushed beds together to accommodate him, the beds would likely collapse. So Butler snuggled himself deeper into the blankets. He couldn't sleep and the problem wasn't the floor he was lying on. He was hoping Holly was treating Artemis all right. Those two couldn't spend more than 5 minutes together without wanting to kill each other.  
He had just heard Commander Root get off what must have been a telephone. Unfortunately Butler couldn't understand a word of what had been said. Artemis had taught him a little written Gnomish (not much, but some) but even Artemis hadn't yet learned spoken Gnomish. From the tone of his voice, Root wasn't too happy. Butler never heard the words Artemis or Fowl come out of Root's mouth, but he distinctly heard the name Holly and Captain Short. 


	11. You and Me and Trouble makes 3

Author's Note: The chapter was longer but I figured it'd be better to post this much now because the end of it isn't quite done yet. Review and I'll post more A.S.A.P.  
  
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Trouble was just barely aware that his phone was ringing. He blindly reached out to the side of his bed and picked it up, "Nnnng?"  
"KELP!" blared Root's voice.  
Trouble muttered, "Bad dream, bad dream, this must be a bad dream."  
"What was that, Kelp?"  
"Nothing, sir." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Trying to finish waking up. Apparently this was no nightmare.  
"You're supposed to be at work in an hour. Why aren't you awake yet?"  
"I'm not a morning person, sir."  
"Tough. I want you down to the Police Plaza A.S.A.P."  
"Yes, sir, why?" he was still too tired worry about the fact that he was questioning his commanding officer.  
"Because I told you to!"  
He groaned again, stood up, and started looking for his clothes. "Why?" Oh, yeah, definitely too early to worry about getting in trouble.  
"I need you to pick up some human clothes for me and bring them down to Holly's house. If she's stuck alone with Fowl for one more second than is necessary she might kill him. I wouldn't exactly cry over his death but we've still got the other Mud Man down here and he could cause problems if his charge lost his life. Besides, the Council might throw a fit if they had to waste more gold covering up his death."  
Trouble was thoroughly awake now. "Holly's? I'll be right over!"  
"KELP! Don't forget to come by the Police Plaza FIRST!" Root screamed.  
"Yessir!" Trouble hung up the phone. Today would be good after all.  
Now, some elves, like Holly, preferred to take relaxing baths (especially if they were lucky enough to move in right by natural hot springs). The slime was a natural sanitizer and moisturizer, very good for the skin. Other elves, for example Trouble, liked showers. Nice steaming water. So much cleaner than that surface stuff that was swimming with germs. Everyone had his or her own tastes of course.  
Trouble hastily jumped into the shower, washed his hair until it gleamed, redressed, and grabbed something to eat while he tried to put on his boots. He brushed his teeth until they gleamed.  
He almost didn't remember that he was supposed to go to the Police Plaza first. Luckily, as he was walking out the door, Foaly called him. "Root's steamed. Don't forget to stop by and pick up the clothes for the Mud Boy."  
"Right. Thanks for saving my butt, Foaly."  
"Yeah, yeah. Root would have had your hide for sure."  
Trouble headed directly for the Police Plaza. He came in the door and Corporal Frond smiled at him. He rolled his eyes. She'd been trying to catch his eye for a while now. But he didn't have time for that today. She tossed her head, throwing her hair over her shoulder, "Commander Root wants to see you, Trouble."  
"It's Lieutenant Colonel, Corporal Frond." He tried to walk past her and she caught his arm.  
She giggled. "I was wondering if you wanted to walk me home today after work. I checked the schedule. We get off work at the same time today."  
"No, Corporal. In fact, I'm leaving just after I see Root. I've been assigned to some on the field work today."  
She pouted. "The schedule didn't say so."  
"It's a revision. Excuse me."  
"But, Trouble," she started.  
"Go bug somebody else." He caught sight of his brother. Perfect. "Grub! Get your butt over here!"  
"What, Trubs?"  
Control your temper, he thought, nobody gives me any respect! "Grub, why don't you escort Corporal Frond."  
"Where?" asked Grub, looking at Lili, she was beautiful.  
"Anywhere but Root's office." He pushed them both aside and continued on his path. Trouble sighed. That was close. Grub still lived at home. Sooner or later their mother would give in to his pleas to move out so he could live with his brother. Trouble hoped it was later rather than sooner. Never would be even better.  
He reached Root's office. "KELP!"  
"Yessir, right here, sir."  
"Here's what we recovered from Mulch that looks like it might fit Fowl. Take this to Holly now. Try to keep her and Fowl from killing each other."  
"Right away, Commander."  
"And Trouble," added Root.  
"Yes, sir?"  
"Go visit, Foaly. He may have some advice for you about your girl problems. I hope you weren't serious about that offer to resign. I'm not losing my second best officer."  
"Uh . . ."  
"NOW, Kelp."  
Trouble was in a foul mood when he reached Foaly.  
"How does Root know?" he demanded. "I thought the truth about how I feel about Holly was just between us."  
"He overheard you talking to me when you were outside Fowl Manor. But most of it is just common office gossip by now."  
"What?" asked Trouble, wide-eyed and stunned.  
"You heard me." He swished his tail agitatedly. "It's no secret. We've got bets going. My gold was on you asking her to get back together 2 days ago."  
"How does everybody know?"  
"The way you look at her. How depressed you still are about the break up. How you smile when she comes in the room. I never saw either of you happier. You two belong together."  
"Yeah? Well I wish someone would tell that to Holly."  
"Why don't you tell her then?"  
Trouble just started to walk away. "I've got to deliver these clothes to Fowl."  
"You're making a mistake, you know. You'll realize sooner or later that I'm right!" But it was no use; Trouble was gone.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trouble knocked on the door, suddenly nervous. He heard some grumpy conversation and the loud thud of something heavy hitting the ground. Holly answered the door and saw Trouble standing there. Trouble looked past Holly and saw Fowl sprawled out on the floor, apparently having just fallen (or more likely been knocked down).  
"Come in."  
Trouble stepped inside, "Hullo, Holly."  
She said, "Hi."  
"Hi," Trouble said.  
Holly repeated, "Hi."  
Artemis had pushed himself up onto his elbows, not quite able to stand up yet, "If greetings are over, would you mind shutting the door so nobody sees me? Unless of course you want them to know you've got a human staying here."  
They shut the door. Trouble glared at him. "Here are some things for you to wear. Some of it is fairy, some of its human. See what fits. You've outgrown nearly all fairy-sized clothes and there wasn't much of a selection from Mud Men clothing down here." He dropped the clothes on top of him.  
Artemis stood up. "If you'll excuse me. I shall go to the building outside to get dressed." He departed.  
Trouble looked around. Aside from the blankets and pillows on the couch, things looked relatively clean considering the usual mess Trouble knew Holly kept around. All the Nutri-Bar wrappers were thrown away and most of the clothes that Holly just usually left wherever she wanted them, were out of sight (no doubt cluttering up her room). "Mud Boy seems unusually grouchy today," he said.  
"Yeah. There were . . . problems . . . last night. I think he's worried I might kill him. And trust me, he's got EVERY right to be worried." She looked furious. She went and sat down on the couch.  
Trouble couldn't decide whether she looked like she wanted to cry, or strangle somebody. Probably both. He went and sat down next to her. "What's wrong?"  
"Fowl just put me in a foul temper."  
"Why? What happened?"  
"Nothing."  
"Holly, you're upset. You'll feel better if you tell me."  
"No, I don't think so."  
"Holly . . ."  
"No. It's too embarrassing."  
"At least tell me. Then I'll be able to help you kill him," he joked.  
"He didn't knock."  
"What?"  
"I was taking a bath. He didn't know it and came in. Just as I was getting out."  
I'll kill him, Trouble thought.  
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," said Artemis, entering.  
Holly glared at him and started laughing. Artemis was wearing baggy pants, a sleeveless shirt that was the latest style for elves in their thirties or so, and his own handmade Italian leather loafers. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" She started talking in Gnomish to Trouble, "Play along. Let's pretend to say rude things about what he's wearing." She made her tone sound vindictive and point at Artemis.  
Trouble knew just how to play along. "You mean he doesn't understand spoken Gnomish."  
"Exactly. He only knows enough to curse."  
They continued the conversation for another few minutes: taking turns at completely ignoring Artemis and then making fun of him. Eventually he said, "Captain Short, would you please instruct me in how to use the local telephone system so that I may check up on Butler?"  
Holly frowned at Trouble, "Sounds like our fun's over," she said, still in Gnomish.  
He nodded and started in English, "Fowl, what makes you think you've got any right to use the phone here?"  
"I may be a criminal but I am not a prisoner. I have rights."  
"Wanna bet?" asked Holly, grinning maliciously.  
Artemis bit his lip. This was going to be a very long day. Whenever Holly and Trouble began to converse in Gnomish, Artemis did his best to figure out what they were saying. By lunch he was fairly sure what word meant table, what word meant television, and what word meant Mud Boy (though it could have meant something decidedly less pleasant).  
Lunch was decidedly tastier than the Nutri-Bars the night before, though less pleasant for Artemis because Holly was telling the tale of just how awful Artemis had been on the unicorn at Archie's.  
"It was not that amusing, Holly."  
"Sure it was, Arty." She made as if to punch him in the arm.  
"Captain Short, your behavior is most unprofessional."  
She was a little surprised. "How do you mean?"  
"It was assigned to you by Commander Root to keep me here. This was a precaution to keep my presence here unknown by the general population. Not a way for you to get revenge on me for anything I've ever done, from our first meeting or anything more recent. Ridiculing me is quite out of order."  
He was right. There was no getting around it. But she would not apologize. "What would you like to do after the three of us have finished eating?"  
"That's better. First I would like to call Butler. After that, I think it would be best to call Foaly. I know you do not wish me here anymore than I wish to be here. My parents will be returning home any day now. They could be pulling into the drive this instant. I think it's best to leave some kind of excuse."  
Holly nodded. When they'd taken Artemis with them, they hadn't thought things all the way through. He'd been gone from his home since what, the night before yesterday. They had better get things settled and figured out fast. "I'll show you where the phone is and dial Root's number for you."  
"Thank you, Holly."  
She sighed. "Could you clean up the plates for me, Trouble?"  
"Sure thing, Holls."  
"Come on, Artemis. I've only got one phone." She led him to her room and opened the door. 


	12. Is Your Plan Long Distance or Local?

Author's Note: Okay, sorry this chapter is shorter. I'm issuing a warning: This story is nearing its end. Only another couple of chapters left (I'll try and make the last one an epilogue if I can). Hope you like this, read it. If you like it, REVIEW it. If you don't like it, REVIEW it anyway!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Inside, Artemis saw a pile of magazines as tall as Holly herself and a second pile starting. The elf-sized bed was covered with rumpled blue sheets and blankets. Books ran along in rows one wall. Weights were in a corner. A wardrobe stood half open (though most of the clothes were scattered over the floor). There appeared to be some sort of machine inside the wardrobe. There was a desk with a lamp on it and something that looked like one of those new flat-screen computer monitors (only flatter and with a row of symbols along the bottom) as well as lots of paper and things to write with. There was a door.  
Holly didn't bother trying to pick her way between clothes, she just stepped on top of them; pausing only long enough to pick up an armload and toss it into the machine inside the bottom of the open wardrobe and press a button. Artemis realized this must be a washing machine.  
Holly typed in the row of symbols and a well-furnished room appeared. "Butler? Butler? Butler! If you can hear my voice, go to where the sound is coming from."  
"Where are you, Captain Short?" the voice was distant and muffled.  
Holly called louder, "I'm calling you on a phone. Go to the drawing room. First door on your left if you're in the hallway. You'll see a screen sitting on the desk. Come to it and you can talk to Artemis." She kept repeating herself until he appeared. Then she left, "Don't run up my phone bill," she chided. "Press this button to disconnect when you've finished your call."  
"Artemis, how are you being treated? If she's hurt you at all, I'll kill her."  
"Relax, Butler. There was a rough start, but all seems to be going well. I am going to talk to Foaly after you and I are done. I am going to find out what the situation is and how much longer we need stay here. It might be beneficial to remain and see what I can learn about fairy technology, but as is I believe we need to report back to Fowl Manor some explanation of our absence. Perhaps a last minute ski trip to Austria a friend invited me on."  
"Are you sure you're all right?"  
"I'm perfectly fine. How are you faring at Julius's home?"  
"It's quiet. He's gone off to work and he has no family."  
"Excuse me a moment." He went and checked the door he had not come in by. As he suspected, it led to the backyard (which was why he had not heard Holly leave and go into the backyard the night before).  
"Something wrong?"  
"No. Just something I wanted to check out. You were saying?"  
"Nothing. So what have you been doing? No trouble?"  
Artemis smiled. "Actually Trouble is here, but over all there are no difficulties."  
"Trouble?"  
"Officer Kelp has come by today to keep Holly company. I strongly suspect Root was behind it. Otherwise where else could he have gotten these atrocious clothes?"  
"What are you wearing?"  
"A fairy shirt, large human jeans, and my own shoes. The stench of unicorns is being washed off of my uniform."  
"I see." He plainly didn't.  
"I'm going to give Foaly a call. I may call you back later." He pressed the button to disconnect the call. He carefully stepped over the piles of clothing, rather than wading through them. He glanced at the magazines and books. For curiosity's sake he tried to pick up one of the exercise weights. He barely got it six inches from the ground. It was much heavier than it looked. Since his time on the swim team he wasn't quite as weak as he used to be.  
"Having fun?" asked Trouble, leaning on the door frame.  
Artemis let go of the weight slowly. "I was just on my way to ask how I might dial Foaly's number?"  
"Teach you how to use the phone? I don't think so. I'll dial." He waded through the clothing, careful not to look at any of it. He leaned over the desk and quickly typed in a series of symbols. "Done."  
"What do you want, Trouble?"  
"Not much. Fowl wants to talk to you."  
"The Mud Boy's there?"  
"Yeah. Talk to him a minute while I go get Holls."  
When Holly and Trouble came back in, Artemis and Foaly were "discussing" something very scientific that didn't make a bit of sense to Holly.  
"Shut-up, you too. We've got important things to discuss. Number 1, Foaly, you and Artemis have to set up a message and send it to Fowl Manor. His parents ought to be getting back any time now."  
"Right."  
"So where are we on the situation with the hidden cameras?"  
"Some upstart who'd been studying under Koboi before she was arrested, sent in the 'repairmen' to spy on me and try to make a big name for himself. Some idiot named Fletcher. Anyway, we sent Recon and Retrieval out and they got Fletcher and brought him back. Looks like all our problems are solved." He smiled smugly.  
Holly and Trouble were irate. "WHAT? Our squads were out there catching bad guys while we were stuck here babysitting Fowl? Something's wrong with that equation, Foaly!"  
"Root's orders kept the two of you there. Not mine. Did you talk?"  
Holly frowned. There was something odd about the way he said, "talk". She said, "Yeah. We made fun of Artemis's clothes. Or you talking about something else?"  
Foaly just stopped himself from rolling his eyes. "I figured you'd just talk to each other and let the Mud Boy disassemble your television or something."  
"You really want him figuring out how more of your technology works?"  
"No."  
"That's what I thought."  
"So we can get rid of him now?"  
"Yeah. Root's arranging the shuttle ride now and you take off early tomorrow, Holly."  
"Great. The sooner life gets back to normal, the better." But she wasn't sure she meant it. Life was always more . . . interesting . . . during one of these Fowl cases. Interesting wasn't always bad. She just didn't want Artemis staying in her house. Already she was mad that she had had to let him in her room. She had a bet with herself that she could keep him from coming in here. Great, now she had to do laundry. Stupid bet. She thought to herself, I bet he went through all of my things in here!  
Trouble nodded. Maybe he'd be able to work up the nerve to talk to Holly after Artemis was gone. He could come back in a couple days and talk to her. Foaly interrupted his thoughts, "Trouble, Root says you're working an early shift tomorrow. Says you should probably go home now and catch a few Zs."  
Trouble didn't like this. He didn't want Holly to be stuck home, alone, with the Mud Boy. He didn't listen while Foaly explain the details of Artemis's departure to Holly. Holly and Trouble left the room while Foaly and Fowl went back to their "discussion" on complicated things and somehow managed to send a message and put it on Artemis's answering machine that he was away with friends and would be back in a day or two.  
Trouble said, "I'll see you at work tomorrow?"  
"No. Root told me to go straight to the shuttle. That way I can get rid of Artemis sooner."  
"Oh. Okay." He bit his lip to keep from saying anything else. It almost started to bleed.  
"I think Root's sending somebody to keep me company on the way back, but I'm not sure."  
"I see."  
"You know, you're really moody. What's with you tonight?"  
"It's just-nothing. Never mind."  
"I don't believe that for one minute. But if you say so: Fine."  
"I'll see you in a couple of days."  
"Yeah. Whatever." He shuffled out of the house, grabbing his coat off the back of a chair.  
She stared after him, wondering why he'd been acting so strangely the last few days. It wasn't as if he was completely himself again after the breakup, but the last week or so seemed worse than before. 


	13. Is it Time to Tell the Truth Yet?

Author's Note: I'm reissuing the warning: This story is nearing its end. Only another chapter left. Review soon and I'll put the last chapter up. I'm sooo evil sometimes.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trouble was seriously depressed. He was popular, good-looking, sure, and he could take his pick of the girls (except the one he really wanted). But he was not happy. He decided that he needed somebody to yell at. He saw a messenger coming toward him. "Get out of my way, I've got important places to be!" he knocked him down and headed for the Ops Booth.  
"FOALY! Let me in!"  
"Don't get your ears in a knot." He opened the door. He immediately noticed that Trouble's eyes were red from lack of sleep. "You look like a wreck."  
"Can you blame me?"  
"Well . . ."  
"I can't stop thinking about her."  
"Doesn't that tell you what you need to do?"  
Trouble glared fiercely at him, the effectiveness of it doubled by the redness and strained look of him.  
Foaly wasn't going to put up with it. "Tell her now."  
"No, I won't. She doesn't care about me like that anymore. Besides, her shuttle's due to leave in less than an hour."  
"Trouble!"  
"I've got to get back to work." He started to leave.  
"Oh, I forgot. Julius wants to see you right away."  
"What's old Beetroot want to talk to me about?"  
Foaly shrugged, hoping Root would be more effective than he had been.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Root was leaning back in his chair, smoking his cigar, when Trouble came in. Trouble didn't like the look in his eye.  
"So, I've heard you're interested in Captain Short." He leaned forward so that the smoke was going right in Trouble's face.  
Trouble knew there was no use playing games. Not with Root. Root was considerably over-protective of Holly. Judging by the stories Trouble had heard, Root had been a family friend for a long time. He looked him in the eye. "Yes, sir."  
"Give me one good reason she should go out with a wimpy loser like you. I've heard stories and they aren't very complementary toward you."  
"A wimp, sir? You said I was your second best officer."  
"Of course you're a wimp compared to her! She's the best officer. Thinks on her feet and does what she's supposed to. Does what's right, even against orders and doesn't take guff from anybody. She's too good for you. Give me one reason, Kelp."  
"I know, sir. But, it's because, sir, I care deeply about her. She used to care about me. She doesn't anymore. I'm leaving her alone to get on with her life. Even if I'm not ready to get on with mine."  
"And you just gave her up with out a fight? What sort of man are you?"  
"I wasn't going to force her to go out with me, sir. I only want her to be happy."  
This was a major blow to Root. Kelp really cared. He really did, and Foaly was right. Root almost dropped the act and the gruff tone in his voice, but he didn't. Instead he just said in the same way, "She isn't happy."  
"She's not?"  
"No. You've got to tell her how you feel, numbskull. Then, MAYBE she'll be honest with IyouI."  
"Sir?"  
"It's a long ride back down her from the surface. Maybe you two can get some talking done. Go with her."  
Trouble couldn't move. He was shocked. Things seemed almost too perfect, IF Root was right. But what if he wasn't? Then again, what-ifs could haunt you forever.  
"Get outta my sight!"  
Trouble started away.  
"And one more thing, Kelp," added Root. "Don't break her heart."  
Trouble nodded. He was practically skipping as he ran out the Police Plaza, down the streets, and just barely caught the shuttle Holly was flying.  
"Root sent me. Thought you might like a little company after you ditch the Mud Men."  
"How sweet," she said dryly. Who thought she might like a little company? Root or Trouble? "Get in."  
He obliged.  
Artemis was already sitting in the copilot's seat and Trouble didn't quite have the nerve to talk to Holly yet, so he sat back with Butler. He and Trouble talked, but all the while, Trouble kept glancing nervously at Holly.  
These looks did not go unnoticed by Butler.  
Butler spoke quietly to Trouble, changing subjects instantly, "You love her, don't you?"  
Trouble didn't say anything.  
"However you feel, you should tell her. I can tell that you do. Tearing you apart isn't it? Not telling somebody is painful. Tell her before it's too late."  
Holly, not hearing their conversation, yelled, "Last stop! All Mud Men out of my shuttle!"  
Butler squeezed Trouble's shoulder encouragingly as they stood up.  
Trouble escorted Fowl and Butler out, after clearing the terminal of the few people there (the sun wouldn't go down for hours yet).  
Holly sighed. Something just wasn't right; she could sense it in the air as Trouble sat down and strapped himself into the copilot's seat.  
They didn't make conversation, though there were a few feeble attempts. Trouble got up and paced for a while. Then, Trouble took a deep breath and sat back in the copilot's chair. "Holly, these last few days have been torture."  
She blinked in surprise. "Why?" Maybe now they'd get to the bottom of things.  
He took a steadying breath. "Because, I've been around you so much, but I'm still just your friend again. I can't take that. I still love you, Holly."  
She jerked slightly in surprise and had to steer the shuttle straight again to keep from crashing into a wall. "What do you mean 'still'? You never said it before." Her hands were shaking on the steering wheel.  
"I didn't?" asked Trouble. He'd been in love with her for some time now. Just a little bit before they started to date, he'd realized it. Had he never worked up the nerve to tell her?  
"No. You didn't. I would have remembered." She bit her lip. That wasn't the kind of thing you forgot, particularly when you wanted to hear it.  
"Well, I do, Holly. I don't care if you love me or not, but I love you. I can't help it."  
She started to cry, silently. She'd been waiting for him to say this, and now she couldn't speak.  
"What's wrong, Holly?"  
"Me too."  
"What?"  
"I love you too, Trouble. It's all I wanted you to say. And I felt like the relationship was going nowhere. I've heard from your past girlfriends. I didn't want to be another one of them, so I broke the relationship off on Imy/I terms."  
"Holly, would you go out to dinner with me tonight?"  
Holly saw that the tunnel stretched straight for a little ways. She put the shuttle on cruise control and leaned toward him. "Come here."  
He leaned across the space between their chairs. "Yeah?"  
Holly kissed him like she used to. "Does that answer your question?"  
"I take it that's a yes?"  
She grinned and went back to piloting the shuttle.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I wonder if he's going to tell her," mused Butler.  
"What do you wonder?" asked Artemis, coming out of his reverie. He was thinking of the unicorns. Maybe he should take up horseback riding.  
"I wonder if Colonel Kelp will tell Captain Short how he feels about her. She cares about him too. I know she does. But he doesn't think so, so he's scared to say anything back."  
Artemis blink, an extreme sign of emotion (for him), "I had no idea Holly and Trouble were involved. That does explain some things. How did you chance to find out?"  
"They aren't, but they should be. You couldn't tell? Artemis, did you even look at them?"  
"Of course I saw them. I spent two nights at her home."  
"No, Artemis. I don't mean did you see them, I mean did you really look at them?"  
"I suppose not. Especially after that incident . . . with Captain Short. I could hardly look her in the eye afterward and the looks Trouble Kelp gave me, made me positive that she had told him what had happened."  
"What happened?"  
"Nothing of importance." He wriggled uncomfortably in his seat.  
"Artemis, you'll feel better if you tell me."  
"I saw her coming out of her bath. I didn't expect her to be in there and she didn't expect me to be coming in. Our timing happened so that I was coming into the room just as she was getting out."  
Butler looked at Artemis and found him to look embarrassed, something that he hadn't seen in Artemis in a long time (if ever).  
"If you really looked at how they interacted, you'd see. The signs are all there. I told him that he should tell her. I wonder if he listened."  
"If he did, he's either the world's greatest idiot or most courageous elf. Captain Short is pretty, I once thought she reminded me of a black widow sort of beauty. Clever too. And brave. But she does have a temper. Very Fowl indeed."  
  
"I hope he listened to me."  
After a moment, Artemis replied, "I hope so too. She deserves to be happy." 


	14. The Next Day

The next day, Holly walked into the Police Plaza on the arm of Lieutenant Colonel Trouble Francis Kelp. She was so happy and couldn't stop smiling. She almost felt like giggling. She saw Lili Frond standing unhappily between Chix and Grub, who were staring wide-eyed at Holly. They had stopped fawning over Lili the moment Holly walked in. Eat your heart out, she thought. I'm happy and you're annoying losers.  
She saw Foaly nudge Root in the ribs and nod in their direction.  
Trouble smiled broadly at the little assembly (others had come in from different parts of the Police Plaza). "We have an announcement. An important announcement. We're getting married."  
Somebody called, "It's about time!"  
"We wondered how long the two of your were going to pretend you didn't like each other!"  
"Didn't I tell you it was going to happen any day now?" asked one of the Gnomes to his friend.  
Vinyaya stood there and surveyed them. "Congratulations to you both."  
Trouble approached Root. He wasn't Holly's father, but they both knew it was his blessing they wanted.  
"Well, Kelp," he growled. "What makes you think you're good enough to marry Captain Short? You weakling. Worse than a Mud Man. Wimp. Sissy. Brainless child. Arrogant twerp. What makes you think you're good enough?"  
The entire room held its breath. Was old Beetroot seriously going to do this to them? After how long they'd both been fighting against what everyone else knew was right as if it had been destined by fate?  
Trouble was ready for him. "Because, sir, she loves me as much as I love her. And I can't imagine life without her."  
Root was silent. His face unchanged until he roared, "Right answer, Kelp!" He stuck out his hand and shook Trouble's.  
Peace.  
Foaly did something he didn't do often and gave Holly a hug.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Root was talking to Trouble and Holly was in the Ops Booth with Foaly.  
"I told him you two were perfect for each other."  
"You stood here and told Root that Trouble and I belonged together?"  
"Well, yeah, Holly. Stood right here and said it. I told him the truth. Neither of you were happier than when you were dating."  
Holly fiddled with one of her buttons.  
"You're really happy, Holls?"  
There were a few people (not many) that sometimes called her "Holls". But Foaly only called her "Holls" when he was worried, or serious. "Of course I am, Foaly. Why do you ask?"  
"I don't know. I guess I just worried that all of us pushed the two of you together because we thought you should be together."  
"Don't worry, Foaly. You don't know half of what goes on in my mind. I love him and you had nothing to do with it."  
"Good. Are you going to ask Root to give you away?"  
"Well," she was fumbling for words, "You or him."  
"What?" He genuinely shocked. "Me?"  
"You're one of my few real friends, Foaly. I'd be honored if it were you, or him."  
"Pick him." Foaly said quickly, truly touched. "He's been anxious over you throughout this whole thing. He was worried about you. He thought that Trouble might break your heart. We didn't want that to happen. We love you, Holly. You're a sister to me and a daughter to him."  
She nodded. "Alright, Foaly. But if you're my brother (sorta), then that would make you Trouble's brother-in-law. I'll see if I can wrangle you the best man spot."  
"What about Grub?"  
She snorted a laugh. "He'll live. I was a little shocked at how well Trouble stood up to Root's grilling like that."  
"It wasn't the first time."  
"What?"  
"Root's done that to him several times at least in the past week."  
"Poor Trouble. It's a wonder that he survived."  
"I knew he would. I knew he'd be able to do it for you, Holly. He'd do anything for you. Even stand up to Julius Root a thousand times if need be."  
"Is it true that he was going to resign?"  
"Yeah. But Root didn't want to lose his second best officer."  
"Second best?"  
"Root said you're the best. I agree."  
She blushed.  
"So, I want details."  
"Well, I'm sure you knew Root sent him with me in the shuttle yesterday."  
"Go on."  
"Well, Trouble was acting kind of strange, and then he finally just came out and said it." She smiled.  
"What exactly did he say?"  
"That he still loved me. But the thing is, he'd never told me before that he loved me."  
"I take it, that's what the break up was about?"  
"Yes. It just hurt to feel that way myself and not have him say it."  
"You never thought about saying it first?"  
"No. I don't let my heart get broken, Foaly. I'll core dive, dodge lasers, and fight goblins, but as far as emotions go: I don't take risks."  
Foaly was silent. The girl had a heart of steel.  
"So, he said it. And I said it back. We went out to dinner afterwards. He came completely clean. Explained how he was too terrified to tell me how he felt without knowing how I felt. Told me that he'd considered resigning just to get away from me. Then he proposed. We were sitting at the table, he got down on one knee, took my hand, and said, 'Holly, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be yours forever. Will you marry me?' " She had a glazed look on her face and was smiling dreamily.  
"I suppose you said yes?"  
She snapped back to reality. "Yes."  
"And you couldn't take a few minutes to call me?"  
"I wanted to tell you in person. We debated who to talk to first and what to say at work today. Last night we went to see my mom and Trouble's parents as soon as we left the restaurant, Grub wasn't home so it wasn't like he was going to blab or anything. They were the only ones we told. Then, today, we just . . . announced it. We knew we couldn't tell more people before you and Root found out. That wouldn't be right."  
"I'm happy for you, Holly."  
"Thanks, Foaly."  
"Did you set a date yet?" He opened up a calendar program on the computer.  
"Yeah. Go to early spring. April 9th."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
SPRING  
  
Holly knew that Butler preformed bomb checks on the car before ever getting in. That's why she knew to tape the note to the bottom of the car and make it just visible enough for Butler to see it.  
Butler had gotten up that morning to drive to get Artemis home for the Easter holidays from his school. Butler checked the car before getting in (as usual); he saw the note and plucked it from where Holly had secured it.  
He opened it. Gnomish. He knew a little of the language, enough to understand that something very good had happened.  
As soon as Artemis entered the car, he gave him the note. "I believe it's from our friends."  
Artemis unfolded the odd paper carefully. He read, "Dear Butler and Artemis, we have great news. We're getting married in a couple of days. Sorry we didn't tell you sooner, but Trouble just told me what you said. Thank you, Butler. Thank you! Butler, I am SO glad you talked to him. Other people talked to him first, but he didn't say anything to me, until after he talked to you. After you left he told me he loved me, and that night he asked me to marry him. We've been engaged 4 months now and will be getting married the day after tomorrow. Maybe our paths will cross again. Happily, Captain Holly (soon to be Kelp) Short." He folded up the letter. "I'm very happy for them."  
"Me too."  
"Just what did you say to him?"  
"I just told him to tell her the truth about how he felt."  
"He listened to you."  
Butler chuckled, sorely tempted to ruffle Artemis's hair in a brotherly fashion. But that was not very bodyguard-like. "Maybe when you're Trouble's age, I'll help you with the ladies."  
Artemis blinked. He was not quite sure whether or not he was pleased to hear this. He said the first thing that entered into his mind. "Butler! Trouble's in his 80s!"  
Butler laughed again and Artemis smiled wryly.  
  
THE END!!!  
  
(Please read the author's note at the end if you're interested in another story to follow this one) 


	15. THE END

THE END!!!  
  
Wow. It's done. Hmmm . . . not exactly the way I planned but I didn't have much of a plan.  
  
Anybody find it odd that all the advice Trouble gets about relationships in this story comes from Foaly (who isn't married and doesn't have a girlfriend), Butler (who isn't married and doesn't have a girlfriend), and Root (who's not the most sentimental of guys)?  
  
Oh, well. Everything ended happy.  
  
This was going to be my last Artemis Fowl fic (or at least the last for this set).  
  
If anyone is interested in one more, let me know. If I write it, it is probably going to be a short ficlet, no more than a few chapters (maybe 5). And it will be an Artemis romance fic. If you're interested, let me know. Otherwise, I've seriously been neglecting my Harry Potter fics trying to get this one finished.  
  
It's been great writing this and I want to say thank you to all my reviewers!  
  
THANK YOU!  
  
Put in your review, whether you want another story or not. 


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